Volume One, Chapter 16: Pain Beyond Sensation

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Winter in Yingcheng was bitterly cold, with snow falling thick and fast.

The mountain road was buried beneath snow, making it difficult to travel, and the car lurched and swayed as it moved along.

Fu Heng sat in the car, the brilliant afternoon sunlight falling across his face and outlining its detached contours.

The hard line of his jaw was tightly clenched, and the atmosphere inside the car was unbearably oppressive.

The winter solstice was drawing near. It had been more than a month since Bai Xuanxuan disappeared.

During that time, he had been living in the military dormitory and had not returned home.

That morning, he received a call from the Jiangcheng police saying they had found a lead on Bai Xuanxuan and had arrested one of the three ruffians.

The fountain pen in his hand had drawn a heavy line across the paper, leaving behind a faint spreading stain of ink.

He grabbed his coat, called for the driver, and left the city.

Chen Wenhao and Xue Junping had been waiting outside the police station since early morning.

Ever since Fu Heng had left, Xue Junping had kept watch by the roadside every day. At last, he spotted Zhang Jinshui, the tall one among the three ruffians.

Startled by Xue Junping’s furious shout, Zhang Jinshui broke into a run.

Xue Junping had no idea where he found the strength, but he threw his arms around the man’s leg and was dragged along for some distance.

Shouting that he had caught a thief, he joined forces with several passersby and somehow managed to restrain Zhang Jinshui and bring him to the police station.

When Zhang Jinshui saw the cold-faced man sitting opposite him, he instinctively shrank back.

Xue Junping had already embellished Fu Heng’s “glorious achievements” at considerable length. Now that Zhang Jinshui was facing the real man, his palms twisted nervously, slick with sweat.

He thought to himself that a man this terrifying made it no wonder the little girl had run away without looking back.

Just seeing that dark, forbidding face would be enough to give anyone nightmares.

Seeing him cower in silence, Chen Wenhao spoke first. “We searched your room and found this.”

The moment Zhang Jinshui saw what Chen Wenhao tossed onto the table, half his heart turned cold.

After returning to Jiangcheng, he had secretly gone back to the residential compound and taken away the notebook and textbooks. The notebook lay open, its handwriting neat and delicate.

Fu Heng’s gaze darkened. Tiny glimmers slowly cracked open within his pitch-black eyes.

He picked up the notebook and flipped through it in his hands, gradually tightening his grip on the pages until his knuckles turned white.

Line by line, word by word, he read it again and again, as though deliberately tormenting himself.

Without meaning to, her image rose in his mind. The warm halo of light fell in scattered patches across her soft, fair skin.

The young girl twirled a pen between her fingers, her brows faintly furrowed as she carefully marked up the yellowing pages.

Memory was a sharpened blade. Silently, it pierced his heart, scoring one wound after another across its surface.

“Where is she?”

His voice was soft, yet edged with icy sharpness.

Zhang Jinshui swallowed. “She told us to drop her off at Qingshui Village.”

“Drop her off?”

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Zhang Jinshui hurriedly explained, “Nothing happened to her. She was lively and perfectly well.”

“I swear, we didn’t lay a finger on her. She even told us to study hard and find honest work.”

“If you go to Qingshui Village, you’ll definitely find her.”

The man’s dark eyes narrowed slightly, and he gave a self-mocking smile.

So it turned out that he had merely been indulging in wishful thinking, moved only by his own misguided sentiment.

So it turned out that she had wanted to leave of her own accord.

His heart seemed to freeze before being shattered completely, leaving him in pain so profound that he could no longer feel it.

He rose slowly and looked down at Zhang Jinshui. “You’d better pray that what you’ve said is true.”

The man strode out of the police station, got into the car, and drove straight to Qingshui Village.

Heavy snow was falling over the village, and the thick accumulation reached nearly to a person’s calves.

“Colonel Fu, let me go with you,” the driver, Zhang Lan, called after parking the car and leaning out of the window.

“No need.”

The man’s voice was as detached as ever. He only wanted to be alone and quiet.

He walked on tirelessly, letting snowflakes settle between his brows and crystallize into frost.

He knocked on every door in the village, asking household by household. One villager was so startled upon opening the door that he nearly jumped out of his skin.

When he heard that Fu Heng’s wife had run away after an argument, he warmly invited him inside and brought him a bowl of hot water.

“Come now, what married couple doesn’t quarrel? There’s no such thing as a lasting grudge between husband and wife. Don’t worry. Maybe when you get home, she’ll already be there waiting for you.”

A faint smile tugged at Fu Heng’s lips.

He remembered that they had quarreled in the early days of their marriage too.

Whenever Xuanxuan became angry, she would run out of the house. But every time, she would circle the village once and then come back.

At first, he had coaxed her. After it happened too many times, he became numb to it.

When she lost her temper, he could no longer be bothered to placate her.

Because she had nowhere else to go.

But now she had disappeared from his world without taking anything with her, without even looking back.

Even now, he could neither accept nor believe it.

The snow grew heavier that night, yet his search yielded nothing.

The driver said the road was too difficult to navigate and the car could not be driven until the snow melted the next day.

Without saying a word, Fu Heng descended the mountain. All he could see was vast expanses of cold white, while row upon row of eaves were encased in thick ice.

Snow curled around his fingers, but he felt nothing.

He did not know how he made it back to the regiment. He did not return home either, spending every day at the military base.

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The only thing accompanying him was a small photograph.

It had been taken when he and Bai Xuanxuan got married.

Even the monotonous black and white could not conceal the liveliness and radiance in her eyes.

Two more months passed, and the New Year was almost upon them.

Jiang Yan sighed repeatedly whenever she thought of those two troublesome children.

Whenever she called Fu Heng, he was always busy. When she finally managed to reach him, his voice was so low and grim that it was frightening.

She wanted to call Fu Che, but the only telephone available to him was at the post office.

Fortunately, Fu Che went to the post office to call her once every week.

“New Year’s Eve is next weekend. Can’t you come home a little earlier?”

“Just look at your brother. He’s been wandering around as if he’s lost his soul. When you come back, you must talk some sense into him.”

…

Fu Che’s voice was as calm and gentle as ever, despite the faint displeasure stirring in his heart.

From childhood onward, their mother had always protected his younger brother, which had left the boy rebellious to the core and possessed of a peculiar temper.

He had always believed that a man as domineering and hard-edged as Fu Heng was destined to remain single for life.

Instead, he had gone to the countryside and gotten married.

When Fu Che heard that his wife had run away, he was not surprised in the least.

With Fu Yuan’s foul temper—and his years of entanglement with another woman—it was already remarkable that the young girl had endured him for so long.

After making a few perfunctory remarks, he hung up.

He did not particularly want to return to the capital. For one thing, he truly disliked the atmosphere at home. For another, he was worried that Shanshan might be bullied if she stayed there alone.

Fu Che raised his eyes to look at her. His gaze was like a soft strand of silk, gently wrapping around her.

“Xuanxuan, the New Year is almost here. Where are you planning to spend it?”

Bai Xuanxuan stared blankly for a moment. “I... I’ll stay here and look after the shop. That way, if customers come to collect their clothes, someone will be here.”

She lowered her head and murmured, “Besides, I have nowhere else to go.”

Fu Che’s heart ached. He reached out and gently stroked her head.

After hesitating for a moment, he bent down. “If you have nowhere to go, come back to the capital with me. We can spend the New Year there.”

Bai Xuanxuan lowered her head and politely refused. “No, it’s all right. I’d only be troubling you.”

He slowly moved closer, his voice as gentle as the morning sun. “Come with me. You’ve never been to the capital, have you? Once we’re there, you can climb the Great Wall and see Tiananmen Square. I’ll take you sightseeing everywhere.”

“Don’t be afraid. My family is kind.