Chapter 2

Listening to the words full of accusations, Chang Lu’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest. Glancing at the several palace maids from the Linyang Hall waiting around, their faces were ashen, and they cast worried glances toward their mistress, barely daring to breathe.

Chang Lu had no idea what had come over the Crown Princess today. The Crown Princess and the Crown Prince had been married for seven years. Though their relationship was not passionately close, they maintained mutual respect and courtesy. The Crown Princess was gentle and refined, never once throwing tantrums or sulking with the Crown Prince.

Yet today’s words revealed how deep her resentment towards the Crown Prince truly ran.

The entire inner palace was deathly silent. After a moment, fearing the tension would remain frozen, Chang Lu mustered his courage and stepped forward, speaking softly, “Your Highness, the time is late; it is time to depart.”

Li Changye seemed not to hear him. The furrows between his brows deepened, and then his low, resonant voice sounded by Pei Yun’s ear.

“What’s gotten into you?”

What else could it be? She simply felt she had had enough—enough of him.

She fixed her gaze on Li Changye’s face. Despite hearing her outburst, he remained calm and composed, as if unruffled. Pei Yun felt a surge of self-mockery.

Indeed, if he were truly considerate, she would not have lost all hope so early into their marriage. Her accusations now were likely just unreasonable outbursts born of her frustration.

Her words were like a fist hitting cotton—utterly boring. No point in saying more.

After venting, she suddenly felt weak and dizzy, unable to support herself. She thought perhaps it was time to cross the gates of death, to walk the path of the underworld.

She looked at him and said, “Your Highness, go ahead. From now on, leave whenever you please; there’s no need to inform me. After all, you never care about my feelings.”

This time, her tone was exceptionally calm, devoid of complaint, as if stating a fact. Then, she turned her back and lay down, closing her eyes.

For the past thirteen years, she had nearly always watched him leave, but this time, since it was only a dream, she no longer needed to follow those formalities. At last, she could live more freely and comfortably.

Li Changye stared silently at his wife’s thin, frail figure lying on her side. After a moment of quiet, he rose and left.

Chang Lu and the palace maids followed, stepping out of the hall. Li Changye paused, turned back, and asked, “Has the imperial physician come daily to inquire? How is the Crown Princess’s recovery?”

Shu Mo knew this question was about Pei Yun. She had been brought into the Eastern Palace by her and was her personal attendant; no one knew Pei Yun’s condition better than her.

Recalling the scene inside the hall just now, Shu Mo pondered for a while before replying, “Your Highness, the physician comes every day to take her pulse. The Empress survived a close brush with death, but her body is severely depleted. The physician says recovery will be slow and cannot be rushed.”

She hesitated, then added, “However… her body is still weak, and the Empress is understandably irritable. She often suffers sleepless nights, and even the little prince is reluctant to be held and comforted by the wet nurses.”

Chang Lu shot a meaningful glance at Shu Mo.

This girl was clever, defending her mistress with every word, briefly explaining the Crown Princess’s unusual behavior today.

Li Changye’s eyelids drooped slightly. After a moment, he instructed, “Make sure the Imperial Medical Department uses only the finest medicines. While I am away, if the Crown Princess needs anything, she should seek Sheng Xi in the Chenghua Hall.”

Shu Mo bowed and acknowledged. Then a voice came from above: “Take good care of the Crown Princess.”

After speaking, Li Changye descended the vermilion steps. For some reason, those words and his wife’s cold, mocking gaze flashed through his mind.

He had never seen this side of Pei before.

But after a brief moment of contemplation, Li Changye smoothed his expression and strode out of the hall.

He understood Pei—her outburst was surely due to her heavyhearted mood. Though she usually said little, her heart was kind and considerate. He believed she would soon understand his difficulties and free herself from this melancholy.

By the time he returned from Qin County, she would have recovered to her usual self, smiling and waiting for him outside the palace gates.

Pei Yun had barely lain down when she fell into a deep sleep. When she awoke, she was stirred by the sound of a baby’s cry.

The hall was dim, with only a small lamp flickering by the bedside. Perhaps hearing the noise, someone quickly entered and lifted the dark blue bed curtain.

“Your Highness, you’re awake…”

Pei Yun sat up on the couch. The crying outside had stopped. She stared blankly at the visitor, scrutinizing her face in disbelief. After a long while, she tentatively spoke, “Shu Yan?”

The figure before her was both familiar and strange. Familiar because Shu Yan, like Shu Mo, was a maid who had served her since Wu Nanqi’s time; strange because it had been many years since Pei Yun last saw her.

In the autumn of the 24th year of the Qingzhen reign, the eighth year since Shu Yan and Shu Mo had entered the palace with her, Pei Yun, seeing they were already twenty-one, decided not to hold them back and arranged marriages for them.

Shu Mo refused to marry and stayed by her side; Shu Yan was wed to a seventh-rank official in the capital. Soon, the official was posted elsewhere, and Shu Yan left the city with him. They had not met since.

Shu Yan looked surprised, as if her mistress did not recognize her. She did not mind, only concerned: “Your Highness, how is your health? Since the Crown Prince left at noon, you have slept for three full hours. Perhaps we should summon the physician?”

Pei Yun was puzzled—wasn’t she supposed to be dead? Why then did she see Shu Yan? Suddenly, hearing “since the Crown Prince left at noon,” her brow furrowed.

Seeing her reaction, Shu Yan recalled what had happened at noon and hesitated before advising, “Your Highness, I know your heart aches, but today… aren’t you afraid of angering His Highness? You have always been patient. What has come over you today? After all, he is your husband, your only support in the palace. No matter what you feel inside, you should at least keep peace outwardly.”

Pei Yun understood what she meant—she was talking about her confrontation with Li Changye. But wasn’t that a dream? Wasn’t she supposed to be dead?

She instinctively touched her neck and felt warmth. She pinched lightly, wincing at the pain.

Could it be this is not a dream?

Still in disbelief, she looked around the inner hall. Her gaze suddenly landed on something. Before Shu Yan could react, Pei Yun quickly slipped off the couch.

On the corner’s yellow flower and mother-of-pearl inlaid dressing table lay a peony-carved bronze mirror. The clear yellow surface reflected a face as delicate and lovely as a lotus blossom.

Snow-white skin, willow-like dark brows, naturally red lips, and bright almond-shaped eyes shimmering like a spring, radiant and alive.

This face was younger and more beautiful than in her memory. Most importantly, Pei Yun slowly touched her temple—no strand of glaring white hair.

Her eyes immediately reddened.

Shu Yan hurried after her, wondering what had come over her mistress. Before she could ask, Pei Yun turned sharply and asked seriously, “Is today the second day of the tenth month in the twenty-third year of Qingzhen?”

Shu Yan was stunned. Asking the date was one thing, but confirming the year? Had her mistress truly become so confused?

Though uncertain, Shu Yan nodded.

Just then, a loud cry came from outside, growing louder and more urgent. Shu Yan grew nervous, pursing her lips: “The little prince has been fussy lately; the wet nurses can’t soothe him. If Your Highness finds it disturbing, perhaps…”

Before she could finish, Pei Yun, upon hearing the crying, froze like she had been struck by lightning. Without regard for her thin nightclothes, she suddenly dashed out of the hall.

Shu Yan knew her mistress was acting strangely today but did not expect this. She anxiously called out, “Your Highness, where are you going? You are not yet out of confinement and might catch a chill.”

She hurriedly grabbed a cloak from the rack and followed.

Pei Yun paid no attention to Shu Yan. All she saw was the path to the side chamber, all she heard was the child’s crying.

That was a real, unmistakable cry—from her son Chen’er, her living, breathing Chen’er.

At that moment, two wet nurses on duty in the side chamber took turns soothing the crying little prince, occasionally exchanging worried looks. The lady of the main hall disliked this child and feared his cries would disturb her rest, possibly bringing punishment upon them.

They hoped the little ancestor would quiet soon. Suddenly, the door swung open. Seeing the visitor, the two nurses froze, faces pale as if seeing a ghost.

After a long moment, they recovered and bowed, “Greetings, Crown Princess.”

Meng, the wet nurse holding the little prince, nervously tried to apologize. Then a pair of hands reached out—initially urgent, but trembling carefully when touching the child.

Meng, stunned, handed over the baby. She and Sun exchanged glances, unbelieving at the scene before them.

When Shu Yan arrived, she too was stunned at the doorway. After a while, she stepped forward and draped her mistress with the cloak, not wanting to disturb the intimate moment.

Now, Pei Yun cradled the little prince, her gaze tenderly fixed on the swaddled child. Though her expression was joyful, her eyelashes trembled, and a large tear slipped down.

She wanted to touch the child’s face but hesitated, fearing her cold hand might chill him. Halfway through reaching out, she withdrew, clasped her hands behind her back, touched her own forehead to feel the warmth, then gently leaned forward to press her forehead against the child’s.

The baby’s face was flushed and tear-stained from crying, but the moment their skin met, he miraculously stopped crying and, sniffling, grabbed a handful of his mother’s robe.

Seeing this, Shu Yan’s eyes reddened, and she covered her mouth to keep from crying aloud. The little prince was reluctant to take the wet nurses’ milk but seemed to sense his mother’s presence, moving his mouth as if seeking nourishment—truly proof of the bond between mother and child.

Pei Yun had given birth to the little prince just over ten days ago. Perhaps due to a difficult labor, she had been melancholy, especially toward the child—often coldly ordering the wet nurses to take him away, refusing even to glance at him. Once, upon hearing his cries, she had angrily smashed a nearby teacup.

Shu Yan and Shu Mo had worried. Earlier, Shu Yan even considered suggesting the wet nurses move the baby to another chamber. But now, seeing this scene, she was relieved. No matter what, this was the child she had carried for ten months. How could a mother not love her child?

What Shu Yan did not know was that Pei Yun’s coldness toward Li Chen had lasted only about ten days in this life, but in the previous one, she had resented him for nearly three years until he died from illness. She had then gone mad, clutching his lifeless body, unwilling to let go.

Pei Yun clearly understood what the child wanted. She carried him into the inner chamber, sat on the warm couch, loosened her collar, and let him nurse at her breast.

The two wet nurses and Shu Yan were startled. Even wealthy families rarely had mothers nurse themselves, much less the royal family. The Crown Princess had never breastfed the eldest prince even once.

Though surprised, they did not object, for the Crown Princess now quietly watched her child, lips curved in a gentle smile, eyes full of soft affection as if the kindness could flow forth like water.

Shu Yan nearly forgot when she last saw Pei Yun so tender. Since entering the Eastern Palace, her mistress’s smiles had grown rarer; she became increasingly silent, her expression cold and indifferent.

Pei Yun had little milk after so many days postpartum. Though little could be drawn, the warmth of her skin and body soothed the baby, who gradually quieted, eventually falling asleep with his mouth slightly open.

Meng hesitated, about to take the child back, but Pei Yun softly said, “Tonight I want to stay here with Chen’er.”

“Chen’er?”

Shu Yan furrowed her brows in confusion. By palace rules, imperial sons and grandsons received their official names only after a hundred days. The little prince was barely ten days old. Could this be a pet name her mistress had given?

She did not dwell on it.

Her mistress’s sudden warmth toward the little prince brought joy, yet Shu Yan said, “Your Highness, your body is not yet healed. Caring for the baby will be difficult, and you may not sleep well. Perhaps wait until you recover…”

“Just for one night,” Pei Yun interrupted, gathering her robes and looking at Shu Yan with a firm but pleading gaze. “I will stay only one night.”

Hearing the resolve tinged with entreaty, Shu Yan felt a lump in her throat. Unable to argue, she instructed the night attendants in the main hall to bring blankets, prepare food, and help her mistress rest. The two wet nurses were told to rest in the side chamber but be ready to attend at any time.

More than half an hour later, Pei Yun lay under warm covers, turning to look at the peacefully sleeping child beside her. She carefully studied his little face. At just over ten days old, he was still somewhat red and wrinkled. In her previous life, she had never inspected his features so closely until he died.

As others had said, Chen’er’s features resembled her more, while Jin’er looked more like his father.

Thinking of Li Jin, Pei Yun’s expression faltered, a sharp pang rising in her nose.

If she truly had returned six years in the past, did that mean not only could she save Chen’er, but also Jin’er, her mother, her sister, her brother… So many regrets to mend, so many mistakes to correct.

Pei Yun admitted that in her past life, for the sake of the Crown Princess’s dignity and the Pei family’s honor, she had committed many wrongs and hurt many people. Selfish and cruel, she was a true sinner. Yet, fate had shown her mercy, granting her this chance.

This time, she wanted to live differently.

She wanted to be Pei Yun again—mother to her children, daughter to the Pei family.

No longer the Crown Princess Li Changye’s wife, always proper and composed in every matter.