Volume One, Chapter Seven: The Dispute

After arriving home, Lin Zhaodi instructed Luo Xuan, “Tonight you sleep in my room, I’ll sleep with your sister.”

Luo Xuan responded casually and turned to enter the shower.

Lin Zhaodi called after her, “Let your sister wash first.”

Luo Xuan ignored her and closed the shower door.

As usual, the gas shower was unreliable; the water was scalding hot. Luo Xuan had no choice but to rinse quickly with cold water, then returned to her room, turned off the light, and fell asleep immediately.

Her mother’s pillow was homemade, stuffed with small, hard pellets that rustled whenever she lay down. A plush pillow cover lay on top, worn stiff from washing. Her nightgown was pilled and the rough bed sheets rubbed harshly against her skin.

Luo Xuan had a nightmare.

Lin Zhaodi pointed at her nose: “I’m not using something so nice, and you’re not allowed to either—”

Her uncle also pointed at her nose: “Only I deserve a hot bath—”

She shifted left and right, twisting and turning, suddenly jolting awake from the dream. She glanced at the clock: 8:30 in the morning.

Only three hours of sleep.

Luosang County’s main industry was sportswear, and the house was stacked with sample tennis skirts brought back from the Red Star Factory. Luo Xuan grabbed one casually and put it on.

Sounds of clattering came from the kitchen; Lin Zhaodi was making breakfast.

Luo Xuan pressed her tired head and leaned against the kitchen doorway. “Mom, aren’t you tired? You’ve been busy all night. Take a break. If you want breakfast, I’ll go buy it for you.”

Lin Zhaodi didn’t look at her, busily replying, “When mom’s home, you can’t let her eat outside.” Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion.

Luo Xuan wore her mother’s nightgown, covered in countless tiny pills, the fabric coarse and abrasive against her skin.

It didn’t hurt exactly, just irritating.

She couldn’t help but say, “Why bother? It’s just breakfast—why insist on this hardship?”

Lin Zhaodi lit the gas stove with a lighter. The ignition stone had long been broken, and the knob was unresponsive. Replacing the stove was expensive; naturally, Lin Zhaodi was reluctant to spend the money. “I’m your mother; it’s only natural I make you breakfast. What hardship? Would I not be your mother?”

With a sudden “bang,” Lin Zhaodi quickly withdrew her hand as flames flared, narrowly grazing her wrist.

Luo Xuan pulled out her phone. “My middle school classmate sells kitchen appliances. I’ll buy a new stove from him. When do you want me to call someone to install it?”

Lin Zhaodi said, “No.”

Luo Xuan hesitated, then said helplessly, “It’s not expensive, and it’s not troublesome. They come install it at home—”

Lin Zhaodi cut her off. “No need! The lighter works fine! You’re always wasting money! I don’t need your concern, just mind your own business!”

Luo Xuan leaned against the dishwasher she had gotten for the house and lowered her head, watching her mother fry eggs and wash dishes by hand.

Lin Zhaodi complained that the dishwasher wasted water and money.

Luo Xuan said, “Why do you take on so much responsibility? Taking care of this and that—can you take care of yourself for once? Mom, I’m begging you—Dad’s gone, we’re all hurting. We spent two sleepless nights working hard. What harm is there in you sleeping a little longer?”

Lin Zhaodi slammed the spatula down heavily. “I get up early and work hard just to make you something to eat. And this is your attitude?”

Luo Xuan said, “I just want you to be kinder to yourself.”

Lin Zhaodi sneered, “I know you earn more! You’ve been working away for years and still tell me how to live.” She flung the fried eggs onto a plate and handed it to Luo Xuan.

Luo Xuan was speechless.

Her younger sister hadn’t gotten up yet, so the two sat in silence. After a while, Lin Zhaodi spoke, “Why didn’t your eldest sister come back with you?”

Luo Xuan offered a gentle excuse, “She caught a cold and didn’t want to infect us.”

Lin Zhaodi hesitated, then pressed a hand to her chest and sharply asked, “She still refuses to come home?”

Luo Xuan considered for a moment and just as she was about to speak, Lin Zhaodi raised her voice at her, “Forget it. You’ve never spoken plainly since you were a child—stupid! I’ll ask your sister instead.”

Luo Xuan stood up abruptly, took several deep breaths, and finally suppressed her anger. “I’m going for a morning run.”

Lin Zhaodi held a stern expression but said nothing.

Luo Xuan draped a towel around her neck and pushed open the door, suddenly resolute.

She stopped, turned to face Lin Zhaodi, and spoke slowly and clearly: “Mom, you know why my eldest sister hasn’t come back. I know you’re angry, guilty, and scared. But those are your emotions to handle. Don’t take it out on me to lighten your own burden.”

Lin Zhaodi threw a bowl onto the table. “Since you came back, you’ve been bossy—this doesn’t please you, that doesn’t please you. I’m over fifty, buried in this life, and I won’t change!”

Luo Xuan clenched her towel tightly and met her gaze coldly. “You have to change. From now on, if you attack me, I will make a scene. I will follow through.”

Before Lin Zhaodi could reply, Luo Xuan slammed the door shut.

A thunderous sound echoed as the iron gate closed behind her.

…

The air in Luosang County was far from fresh.

In the area clustered with garment factories, due to fabric and dye pollutants, the river had long been fouled and murky. The early morning breeze was cool, but the stench of the Luosang River surged in waves, hollowly pressing against Luo Xuan’s chest.

As she ran, her mood gradually calmed, replaced by a growing irritation.

She had only returned home for a few days—why waste energy arguing with her mother?

She was no longer a child, no need to pour out her heart or hysterically demand, “Why don’t you love me?”

It was unnecessary.

She hugged her arms around herself.

Now, with only a few days left, she certainly couldn’t afford to be a burden in front of her mother. Where could she even hide?

She was just making life harder for herself.

Luo Xuan scanned along the way, hoping to find a café to escape to, but Luosang County had no such luxury. She found nothing.

She turned a corner and soon arrived near the Luosang Garment Factory.