Volume Two: Bandits in This Realm Chapter 139: The Taoist Priest is Very Proper, and the Scholar is No Rake

"Senior, I've finished your massage, yet you pull up your trousers and pretend you don't know me. This amounts to a free ride, and according to the laws of the Comic Star, it's punishable by execution," Lin Changtian said with a straight face.

The old Daoist priest spread his hands, unconcerned. "Did you get paid after I finished riding?"

"This... naturally not."

"Then how can it be called a free ride! It's a matter of mutual consent..." The old Daoist patted his shoulder, his tone casual. "Alright, alright, next time for sure! First, hand over those three thousand Saddle Horse Coins!"

Lin Changtian shook his head and smiled bitterly. "Take a good look at me. Do I look like I have anywhere to keep money?"

"Hmm, is that so? Still, a robbery cannot end empty-handed; those are the rules." The old Daoist stroked his beard, pondering for a moment before proposing a solution: Lin Changtian would have to take him on a trip to the Central Plains in the future.

Whether he got a massage didn't really matter; he mostly wanted to experience exotic cultures.

"You truly are a Daoist who is fond of swords," Lin Changtian remarked with emotion.

The old man was startled and hurriedly asked, "How did you know I had a sword hidden in these robes?"

With that, he actually shook a tiny silver sword out of his sleeve. Miniature in size, it lacked the demeanor of a gentleman and instead looked quite adorable.

Yet this sword did not stay adorable for long. The old Daoist blew a breath of stale air upon it, and within a few breaths, the silver sword transformed from a delicate, charming pendant into a gleaming, sharp weapon.

"As expected, things are cuter when they're small, just like that stick on a man—cute and adorable when it's at rest, but turning utterly ferocious the moment someone blows on it. Only... can this old man's mouth do that too?" Lin Changtian muttered under his breath, casting a rather peculiar look at the old Daoist.

Paying him no mind, the old Daoist carefully interrogated Lin Changtian about his previous words. "We have never met before, yet you knew I was skilled with the sword. Why is that?"

"What I spoke of was the 'Great Health Care' of the Central Plains." Lin Changtian inwardly slandered, while maintaining a completely serious expression on the outside. "Because you, Senior, possess an immortal and transcendent demeanor, surely only the most gentlemanly of weapons is worthy of you."

This child......

The old Daoist burst into laughter, looking at Lin Changtian with a much kinder gaze.

"I'll spare you today. I'll go find some clothes for you and send them over later!" The old Daoist said, pointing into the empty air toward Lin Changtian, who instantly vanished from the street.

Having finished everything, the old Daoist packed up his weapon, pulled a horsetail whisk from his robes, and strolled away humming a tune.

He walked over to the book-selling scholar and stopped.

The scholar was busy checking out beauties with his subordinates and had no time to spare for him.

"Tsk, that woman is truly gorgeous! Except her hemline is a bit too high; it would be even better if it were lower. And her walking steps are far too dainty; what boundless blessings it would be if she could stride more widely."

"I don't think so, dainty is better. Dainty makes traffic jams easier."

"Traffic jams?"

"Tighter down below, rather cramped. Since it's a one-way street, traffic jams are good."

Hearing this, the scholar didn't get angry. Instead, he delivered a fierce smack to the head of the burly man beside him, laughing and cursing, "You uncultured brute! How could a one-way street ever compare to the cleverness of a twin-pipe orchestra!"

"Speaking of which, a twin-pipe orchestra still doesn't compare to the beauty of the Dual Phoenixes Singing in Harmony!"

"What do you know! When poor, you use the twin-pipe; when wealthy, the dual phoenixes sing in harmony," the scholar said, curling his lip in disdain.

The burly men all raised their thumbs toward the scholar in unison: Boss, your driving skills are truly superior!

The old Daoist stared at the scholar without a word. Noticing him, the scholar pulled a short blade from behind his back and cursed, pointing at the old man, "Dog thing, what are you looking at?"

As the words fell, the burly men behind the scholar immediately closed in.

The Daoist made a Daoist salute and smiled, "How much money did you extort from him? Even the fur robe off his back was stripped away by you."

"That fellow had crooked intentions and needed some education," the scholar said calmly. Pondering for a moment, the corners of his mouth hooked upward slightly, "Though he is indeed a marvelous person, quite interesting."

The old Daoist thoroughly agreed and nodded. "I found him rather decent as well, with a nimble mind and plenty of novel traits about him."

"Oh? Did that kid's ancestral graves smoke blue smoke? To actually make you, Xuan Ziye, make a special trip for him!" the scholar said sarcastically.

Seeing that his true name had been called, the old Daoist no longer bothered to conceal himself. He formed a hand seal and chanted a spell, shedding his disguise to reveal his true appearance: a fair-skinned, red-lipped, delicate youth whose eyes trembled slightly as if they could speak, possessing an extremely scholarly skin suit.

"I originally didn't wish to show my true face." Xuan Ziye looked somewhat troubled. He sniffed the air; the scent of rouge and powder from the surroundings had grown noticeably heavier.

He had been good-looking since childhood and was plagued by romantic encounters; wherever he went, he would inexplicably attract a multitude of women.

The scholar's expression shifted. Pointing at Xuan Ziye, he cursed, "Say what you have to say, and get lost as soon as you're done! I have no desire to deal with those fanatical girls!"

Xuan Ziye made a揖 obeisance, pondered for a moment, and slowly spoke, "I want to know whose orders you are following? Lin Yuan of Zhaonan City, or... those remnants of the Master's City?"

The scholar let out a cold snort. He abruptly stood up, helplessly smoothed down his sleeves, and squatted back down alone in dejection.

With indignation in his heart and lingering anger hard to dispel, he cursed aloud, "How long has it been, and you lot already treat the Master like a rat crossing the street, a thief shouting for everyone to beat!"

"You can't blame anyone," Xuan Ziye said softly.

The voice seemed imbued with magic, piercing the clouds and ringing in the ears until it startled the scholar awake. Cold sweat broke out along his spine, soaking his clean clothes. The damp stains lingered, a glaring weight pressing upon the scholar's heart that refused to disperse.

He raised his head and cast a grateful glance at the Daoist before him. Indeed, one had to mind their words in this place; if he displeased a slumbering fierce tiger, he would be bitten to death with nowhere to seek justice.

"Lin Yuan cannot command me; naturally, it was the Masters who sent me here," the scholar adjusted his lapels and said calmly.

Xuan Ziye did not find it strange. The scholar before him was brimming with bandit aura, but to find someone in the Northern Territory who was both civil and military, capable of being both roguish and upright, naturally no one else could fit the bill.

Well, among hoodlums he was the most cultured, and among scholars the most of a hoodlum.

If this person were placed in the Central Plains before the Awakening Era, his personality alone would be enough to write a modern urban overpowered web novel: *My Hoodlum Teacher*.

"Xuan Ziye, courtesy demands reciprocity. Tell me, who sent you?"

The Daoist remained silent. He would have been willing to speak, but the scent of rouge around him had grown even thicker.

So Xuan Ziye thought for a moment and decided to play the hoodlum with this scholar once. "Heaven's secrets must not be leaked; Fellow Daoist can ponder it yourself. I must leave; too many maidens are gathering around, and it looks rather bad."

With that, he walked straight toward the center of the city without looking back.

The scholar gnashed his teeth and cursed him for being shameless.

"Dead bald donkey!"

Hearing this, the burly man beside him furrowed his brow and couldn't help chiming in, "Boss, that's a Daoist priest. 'Bald donkey' is used to curse Buddhist monks."

"Do you think I don't know? It's just that the monks in the Northern Territory aren't any good either, so I'll just use it as an adjective!" The scholar paused, the corner of his mouth curving into an arc. "Does Xuan Ziye think he's some kind of treasure, able to hook every maiden on the street just with a pretty face?"

The scholar's face first wore a sneer, but then he snapped back to reality and froze in place in astonishment.

Gradually, anger welled up within him. The reason for his anger was that the beauties he and his brothers had been watching really had all followed that Xuan Ziye away.

Unable to swallow this breath, he opened his mouth to curse, only to find that Xuan Ziye had instantly teleported back, pointing at the scholar and saying, "I have one more question, and it's very important."

"Speak!"

Xuan Ziye withdrew his smile and said with a bewildered expression, "What on earth... is an improper massage? Can that sort of thing really be gotten for free?"

The scholar was stunned at first. Taking a deep look at the deadpan Xuan Ziye, he sneered, "Massage is a pleasurable thing in the Central Plains, isn't it? I wouldn't know about that, but *you* want a free ride? Hmph, go take a look in the mirror!"

Xuan Ziye pulled out a mirror and took a look; he certainly was very handsome.

The scholar froze in place. Slowly closing his eyes, he fought down the urge to beat this Daoist to death, pointed toward the street corner, and roared, "Get lost!"

......

Xuan Ziye teleported into an alleyway, reverting to his original appearance, and muttered to himself, "What on earth is this improper massage?"

The thought refused to leave his mind, making him itch with curiosity.

"I always feel like I've forgotten something," Xuan Ziye muttered. He seemed to have overlooked a critically important person.

Suddenly remembering something, Xuan Ziye slapped his forehead hard. "I really am fickle! This improper massage is the top priority; how could I be distracted by other things?"

In an alley a hundred meters away, Lin Changtian was shivering uncontrollably. He wasn't cold; he was furious.

This dog of a Daoist... at least find me a mask to cover my face!