Chapter 105: I Fear You Do Not Love Me — An Extra for Diamonds

When I returned to the room, my frantic heartbeat still refused to settle. I had vaguely realized that after completely abandoning the thought of suicide, I was actually, in some small way, reluctant to let go of this man.

At the same time, I discovered that the main reason I had wanted to kill myself was because this man had deceived me.

In the past, whenever I watched television and saw the heroine unable to bear a man’s betrayal and choosing to end her own life, I would curse her bitterly: What an idiot. Could she really not live without a man? She deserved to be toyed with and manipulated by him.

I had never imagined that I would become the very kind of person I hated most.

Seeing Luo Ange’s phone lying on the coffee table, I picked it up without thinking and started playing a game. A few minutes later, the phone vibrated, and a text message appeared:

Darling, you left in such a hurry today. I carefully prepared a gift for you.

A photograph was attached. Lei Zhiyi was wearing lace lingerie and lying on a large bed, biting her lower lip. Her figure was so perfect that even I felt my blood surge at the sight of her.

So the matter Luo Ange had mentioned and the “Zhu Bang” Zhou Yang had talked about had all been lies. He had gone back to Kang City to see Lei Zhiyi. It was Shu Congxuan’s sudden appearance that had ruined his plans and shattered the sweet dream he and Lei Zhiyi had shared.

No wonder Shu Congxuan had repeatedly insisted that I had been deceived. No wonder he had several times seemed on the verge of speaking, only to stop himself. It turned out that even he had seen through everything, while I alone had been blissfully immersed in the daydream that Luo Ange loved me.

In the phone’s inbox lay dozens of messages exchanged between Luo Ange and Lei Zhiyi.

She had written: Darling, I’m on my period. Come keep me company, and I’ll use my mouth to please you.

He had replied: No. I’ll come after your period is over.

She had written suggestively: Come on, darling. You can use your mouth to help me too, just like before. Please?

I could not bear to read any further. If I continued, I was afraid I would vomit from disgust.

During that time, he had confiscated my phone and prevented me from contacting the outside world. He stayed by my side every day and tolerated my foul temper. I had thought he was devoted to me with all his heart.

Everything had been nothing more than my own assumption.

The three people who had been drinking and joking around the dining table fell silent when I came downstairs. Luo Ange rose and moved to embrace me, but I hurled the phone at him and shoved him away.

Long Jue shouted, “Yi Lanshan, what the hell are you doing?”

I lifted my foot and kicked Luo Ange in the leg. He was as solid as a wall, and I only hurt myself.

He held me tightly, leaving me no room to struggle. I opened my mouth and bit down on his shoulder, while vicious, poisonous words churned in my chest.

Summoning all my strength, I pushed him away and pointed at him. “Luo Ange, why don’t you just die?”

Then all of us froze.

He looked delighted and moved to embrace me, shouting, “Wonderful! Wonderful!” Long Jue and Zhou Yang were equally overjoyed.

When I realized what had happened, I grew furious. I pushed away the person holding me, picked up the phone, handed it back to him, and repeated myself—this time adding a few choice obscenities.

“Luo Ange, you bastard, why don’t you just die?”

He grinned roguishly. “If I die, won’t you become a widow?”

I had no patience for his teasing. I simply felt that he was filthy from head to toe, and whenever he touched me, I wanted to shed my entire skin.

My eyes nearly bulged from their sockets. I wanted nothing more than to spit in that devilishly handsome face of his. You toyed with my feelings? Just wait and see how disgusted I can make you feel.

Long Jue and Zhou Yang were still laughing, so I turned on them as well. “And you two—you joined forces to deceive me. You can die too.”

Zhou Yang spoke with deliberate implication. “Little Auntie, you can hear and speak after all. As expected, that tongue of yours is sharp. I’m so frightened.”

He leaned against Long Jue like a delicate little bird, one hand pressed dramatically to his chest. No matter how I looked at him, I found him nauseating.

I gave a cold snort and backed away step by step, putting as much distance between myself and them as possible.

Luo Ange picked up the phone and smiled as he beckoned to me. I shook my head repeatedly and continued retreating until I reached the doorway.

Just as I was about to flee through it, he lunged forward and imprisoned me in his arms. Biting my ear, he asked, “Are you jealous?”

He called out to Long Jue. The little dragon came over, took Luo Ange’s phone, and, right in front of me, used his own phone to call the number that had sent Lei Zhiyi’s messages.

Very soon, Zhou Yang’s phone began to ring. He pulled it out and held it up before me.

Long Jue held up Luo Ange’s phone as well. The three phones were placed side by side in front of me. Once compared, the numbers were exactly identical.

Luo Ange tightened his arms around me. “All right, all right. Long Jue and Yang’er were only teasing you. How could I be that disgusting? If there are things I’ve never done to you, how could I possibly do them with another woman?”

Though the evidence was right before my eyes, I still refused to believe him. “Don’t think I’m going to trust you. What about the photograph?”

Zhou Yang was laughing so hard he nearly collapsed. He tapped several revealing photographs out of his phone, showed them to me, and then pointed the camera at me.

Luo Ange realized what he intended to do and kicked him. Zhou Yang had no choice but to photograph Long Jue instead.

He fiddled with the phone for a while, then held it up before me again. I could not stop myself from laughing so hard that my insides hurt.

In the photograph, Long Jue was wearing the same style of lace lingerie as Yuan Shengxiao. He was striking all manner of provocative poses and looked outrageously seductive.

When Long Jue realized he had been tricked, he chased Zhou Yang, intent on beating him. The two of them ran upstairs, brawling and laughing all the way.

Luo Ange laughed too. “Yang’er and Long Jue made a bet about how you would react to the picture and the messages—whether you would confront me or keep silent. I also wanted to see whether you would get jealous, so I allowed them to carry on.”

I bit him on the chin. He gave a wicked grin. “How could I ever bear to hurt you?”

Still huffing angrily, I went upstairs and locked myself in the room.

Unexpectedly, the bastard climbed over from the balcony next door. His way of apologizing was unbelievable—he came over to tease me, blowing against my ear.

I could never resist that sort of treatment, yet I could not escape him either. All I could do was shout, “From now on, don’t touch me again.”

He nodded. “I can still help you take a bath, though, right?”

As he wiped my body, I suddenly began to tremble uncontrollably. I had not experienced that sickening sensation for several days, yet now I could not control it at all.

When his hand reached my collarbone, I could no longer endure the nausea. I shoved him away.

He crouched down and looked at me. For no reason I could explain, my heart ached.

I suddenly realized why I had desperately tried to convince myself that I did not love him. Why I had constantly hypnotized myself into believing that I wanted nothing more than to kill him. Why I had continued to torment myself.

What was it all for?

Because somewhere deep inside, I still had hope. I hoped that by tormenting him this way, I might make him suffer too. I hoped that he loved me.

Just as, when Little Kun had opened the car door, I had hoped the person standing there would be Luo Ange.

Just as, when Little Kun had tried to assault me, I had hoped Luo Ange would be the one to come and save me.

Just as, when they had discussed Lei Zhiyi at the dinner table, I had hoped Luo Ange would say that he did not love that woman.

All my self-inflicted torment had been nothing more than a desperate hope that he loved me.

He was like the signal on a phone. I wanted it to remain full-strength forever, never weakening.

I remembered when Du Fanchuan had just bought his car and taken me somewhere far away to eat. He did not know the roads and had taken several wrong turns. The car had not yet been registered, so whenever he went the wrong way, he simply backed up and started over. He even ran red lights without a care.

Without a license plate—and the rules that came with it—to regulate us, every mistake could be corrected at will.

Then what about Luo Ange and me?

Even the gravest mistakes between us—could they all be corrected so easily?

In the boundless darkness of my dream, two large, greasy, hairy hands reached toward me, tearing at my clothes. Someone tied me up and stuffed a strip of cloth into my mouth.

I could not cry out or move. Sweat drenched my body. At last, I woke with a scream, my heart churning painfully.

I rushed to the bathroom and vomited for a long time. Only after washing my face did I realize that I was wearing pajamas. I clearly remembered sleeping wrapped in a bath towel the night before.

I stood there in a daze for a long while before walking out woodenly.

Luo Ange was waiting outside the door. He took my hand and wrote on it, asking whether I was hungry.

To tell the truth, I had just vomited up everything I had eaten the night before, and I really was a little hungry. But I did not know what was wrong with me. I simply felt miserable and wronged.

Shu Congxuan’s words—“Luo Ange has no heart”—had left me feeling wronged. That dream had left me feeling wronged. Everything had left me feeling wronged.

I looked at him, aggrieved. “You bastard.”

He paused, then nodded. “Yes, yes, I’m a bastard. I’m a bastard.”

I felt even worse. “What did you do that was so terrible?”

He paused again. “When we quarreled, I should have taken the initiative to admit my mistake and apologize. I should have told you that I truly didn’t love Lei Zhiyi and had never touched her. I should have told you that I can’t live without you. I should have told you that I made things difficult for Shu Congxuan only because I wanted to force you back to my side. I should have told you that you’re no good, but I’m no better… In short, it was my fault. I’m a bastard. I wronged you.”

I held back my tears and cursed him again. “You filthy bastard.”

He nodded and accepted the accusation. Before I could ask anything else, he muttered to himself, “You fool, I didn’t dare tell you. I was afraid. I was afraid you would leave me. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to protect you. I was afraid you didn’t love me.”

I raised my fist and struck his shoulder. He caught my hand, then slapped himself across the face again and again.

I burst into tears. He panicked, stood up, and pulled me into his arms, hurriedly asking, “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Does your wound hurt?”

I took his hand and pressed it against my chest, telling him that my heart hurt.

He chuckled and reached over with a mischievous smile. “Then let me rub it for you.”

I shrank back and fell onto the bed. He lay down beside me, held me in his arms, and gently patted my back as though soothing a child to sleep.

I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep.

When I woke, I was alone in the room. Seeing the dress beside my pillow and the fresh camellias on the coffee table, I stretched contentedly before getting out of bed to wash.

As I passed the study, I happened to glance at the half-closed door and caught sight of a familiar figure.

Zhou Yang was smoking. “Little Uncle, have you decided what to do about this? Now that Shu Congxuan knows, everyone else will find out soon enough…”

Luo Ange leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples. After a long silence, he finally said, “Let’s wait a little longer…”

Long Jue cut in. “Enough, enough. We’ve been planning this for so long. Are you really going to get us all killed over one woman?”

Zhou Yang asked again, “You can’t keep Lanshan hidden from the world forever, can you? She seems terribly headstrong to me, like a wild horse. The Condensed Fragrance Jewelry banquet is right around the corner. You’d better make up your mind.”